Congratulations dad on getting to this wonderful day and looking into ideas that will help you make the ultimate wedding day wish for your son! No doubt there have been sleepless nights over their life so far. Whether it was while they were still in diapers or when they wet the bed and you wish they were still in diapers. Maybe it was when they were learning how to drive and exploring their newfound independence. All while you were praying they didn’t create someone new to put in diapers, but you’ve made it.
You’ve changed their butts, fostered their growth, bandaged their cuts, and maybe even taught them to be a better man than you.
Maybe you are looking for what to give your son on his wedding day, and advice is free while a wedding will not be! Besides giving your child a wedding gift on their one year anniversary might be much more appreciated because they know what they need rather than a mini quesadilla maker that some how got on their registry.
This article is going to discuss 3 big things.
First, is the crucial detail that will prevent frustration around the special moment you hope to share with your child.
Second, a list of ideas of what to say to your son on his wedding day.
Third and final, the tips on things to avoid when offering advice or sentiments on your son’s wedding day.
Now, you want to know what to offer as a wedding day wish to your son. The fact that you are even searching for what to say demonstrates that you are thoughtful and want to make this a special experience for your child. If you are looking for ideas for wishes to grant to your soon-to-be son-in-law, thank you for thinking of him on this big day as well.
If you want to jump ahead to the list of ideas for things to say to your son on his wedding day, I won’t stop you.
But, before I get into a list of ideas of what you can say to your son on his wedding day I want to address this. The biggest consideration to keep in mind that will help this special moment be remembered in a good light. This will make it special, rather than being a source of frustration for you and him.
Planning.
plan ahead
Keep in mind that a wedding day will be a busy, and stressful day. It might be busier for the bride than the groom, but the groom is going to be pulled in many directions. Your son’s wedding day is not going to be about you, and you will not be the most important person there. You will want to plan ahead when you will talk rather than hoping to grab him for a moment. Check out this article about writing a letter to your son.
Consider scheduling a time with him as part of the wedding plan. If you want it to be a surprise, talk with your soon to be in-law to set a time apart for you two. This way everyone in the wedding party knows that this time is special. I will beg you to not try to cram a heartfelt moment right before he goes up to the altar, and definitely don’t try to grab him once he has said I do! If you don’t have the opportunity to plan this in advance, then consider taking your son out before, or after the wedding to give this moment with him the time it deserves.
If you are the one giving the toast, keep in mind that what you say in that moment is meant for everyone to hear. Consider sharing your thoughts in a more personal setting while leaving the anecdotes, quips, and jokes for the toast to be more open ended.
What to say to your son on their wedding day
Here is a list of things that you can use to start what you want to say to your son. Obviously, it should be specific to your relationship with your son. On top of that, you will know what he needs to hear going into his marriage. You will know his strengths and weaknesses. You will know what you’re strengths and weaknesses in relationships were too. These can be good starting points to get your mind thinking of what would be best for your son.
- I will always be a listening ear
- I would like to still take you out for golf/football/dinner
- If I ever do anything to come between you and your wife, you should take your wife’s side
- Treat her with respect
- I wish you well
- A marriage is between two people, not just a man and a wife, but two people. You need to take care of yourself individually so that you can both care for one another as a whole.
- Know when to be selfish and when to be selfless
- Sometimes you need to go to bed angry. When you’re fighting at 2 am, no one makes sense.
- Love your spouse, and love yourself
- Be willing to compromise, but not willing to get run over.
- I will support you in your marriage
- Happy wife, happy life is an incomplete statement. Remember that it is happy spouse, happy house.
- You work together for your home
- It is important to stay true to you, they are marrying you for a reason.
- Be okay taking time for yourself. This will be more important after the first year. It is okay for you to always want to be together, but don’t take it personally if your spouse needs space, or if you need space. Being unified does not mean being one person.
- Do not patronize your wife with, “Yes, dear”
- Respect her enough to treat her as an equal
- Do the dishes, fold the laundry, clean the toilets
- You are not marrying a caretaker, so don’t treat her like one.
- You will both make your house your home, so both of you should treat your house like your home.
- The way you’ve done things will not always be the way you do things.
- Sometimes, the fight isn’t about the ________.
- Take what I’ve given you and build on it.
- You know how to make good decisions, she is proof that.
- Be humble
- Tell her you love her, daily
- Enjoy the journey
- Have fun
- Create the life you want together, don’t just let life happen to you
Things not to say to your son on their wedding day
Don’t make it about you
This day is not meant to be about you, your life, or your wishes for them. This is his day, so keep it that way. Check out this article about writing a letter to your son. It might be helpful if you feel like saying what you mean will be harder that it should.
Don’t cast fear into their special day
If you don’t think this is the best decision for them, it’s time to recognize that they have the ability to make their own decisions. Whether we like them or not, it is their life to live. If you’ve had open conversations with them in the past about their fiance or expressed your concerns about their relationship then you have said your piece and they know how you feel. Let them enjoy the day and experience their life without a giant, “I told you so” waiting in the wings.
Don’t let your experience poison or sweeten the well.
If your marriage hasn’t been great, that’s fine. Don’t cast doubt on his decision to get married. They have come this far for a reason and it is their desire to go through with it. If you’ve started to resent the idea of marriage as just a piece of paper, that’s fine. Today is not the day to lecture on how we are not meant to be monogamist.
Similarly, if your marriage has been wonderful, don’t make it about your marriage. The wedding day is about them. They don’t need the pressure to have a 30 year anniversary before they’ve even tied the knot. Just let him know that you support him and will always be there for him.
Don’t guilt them
There are things that parents could say that would put guilt on your son on your wedding dad. If you’ve felt they should have invited other people or been married some place else, the wedding day is not the day to bring it up again. If you’re worried about splitting the costs of the event, again, today is not the day to complain about it.
Conclusion
Remember that this is his day. Whether yours was great, or not, it doesn’t matter. If your marriage was great, or not, it doesn’t matter. Whether you think they should have done things differently up to this point, it doesn’t matter.
This is his day, support him on it. Let him has his journey, and hope that he always has you join the ride.
Finally, don’t just think about what you want to say to your son on his wedding day. Make a plan to follow up with him afterwards. Check in with him to ask how everything is going. Share how the first year of your marriage went, if it was good or bad. Ask him how they are communicating. Continue to be a resource to him.
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